By Jessie Clements, Association/Event Coordinator, Impact AMC
It is inevitable that at some point during our professional experiences we will run into a scenario or conflict where our ability to communicate effectively will determine how the situation is resolved. Clearly maintaining professionalism in these situations is important, as is resolving the conflict. However, it can be difficult to balance those goals during an intense conversation. And, while no one is born an effective communicator–those are skills that we must learn and refine as we grow–there are several tips for developing and honing these skills.
1. Be Assertive
Most of us naturally fall into either passive or aggressive communication styles. However, both of these styles have serious limitations on their efficacy. Passive communicators rarely have their needs met, and aggressive communicators tend to alienate others. Whereas, because assertive communication is based on mutual respect, communicators are more likely to get through tough conversations without exacerbating things. Assertive communicators demonstrate that they’re willing to stand up for themselves but are also able to consider other viewpoints.
2. Avoid “You” Statements and Stick With the Facts
Too easily “you” statements can make the other people feel like they’re being attacked and put them into a defensive position in the conversation. Rather, stick with “I” statements. Consider the following script: “I feel ______ when you _______, because I think _______. What I would like is _______.” Using this template will help you maintain the facts of the situation instead of assuming what the other person is thinking or feeling. By sticking with “I” statements and the facts, you are less likely to make the other person feel like they’re in a combative situation.
3. Stay Calm
Especially in tense situations our natural inclination is to enter fight or flight mode. Take deep even breaths and focus on staying calm and in the moment. Give yourself a few seconds before responding. Not only does that time provide you with a moment to digest the situation and consider what’s actually being said, but it gives you a chance to craft how you react and what you’re going to say.
4. Watch Your Non-Verbals
Though it’s a bit of a misnomer, the non-verbals are everything other than the words that you’re using. When speaking in person, less than 10% of our message is conveyed through the words that we choose. The rest is expressed in our tone and body language. Try to keep your voice even and your delivery slow. Use those pauses mentioned earlier to your advantage. Focus on your breathing and take the time you need to make sure that the message you’re conveying is really the one that you want to make.
It is inevitable that situations will arise where we will find ourselves having a tough conversation. However, by communicating assertively, sticking with the facts, staying calm, and being aware of your non-verbals you’re more likely to have a positive outcome.